12 percent? I’m shocked!

I just heard 12 percent of all internet pages are pornographic.

This came as a complete shock to me. It was as if I was suddenly smacked in the face and the perfect dream-world I had been living in exploded into a million tiny pieces. Never to exist again. How the hell is it possible that only 12 percent of the internet is porn? Before this sickening revelation, I was sure that the internet consisted of only Google, the God of pornography, and every imaginable way of copulating with a person, thing, or alien being.

I have spent almost 10 years of my life searching the known internet (at least what was then-known in my perfect world) for the best live streaming of orgies in college dorms or the latest bizarre hentai from my favorite fetish well - Japan.

Or what about the sweet S&M movies from Germany, my second favorite country in the world. But now I know there are other things to look at online. I feel lost. And very confused.